thecompassrose

Originally written: 10/27/06 

Experiencing Life:

This day like any other I walked outa bed and went to therapy few other things then work. At work, a young lady walked in the doors of the youth center, cussing up a storm. Instantly I developed stereotypes and schemas in my mind. Judging her but a voice spoke to me saying, just give this one a chance. Please see her differently, she’s suffering like everyone else. Anytime I develop a judgemental attitude or begin to stereotype people I think to myself, “Why? Why am I doing that? It’s so cruel to.” So I gave her the benefit of the doubt, looked at her picturing her when she was a baby, or a younger child because with her hard outer shell it was hard to have any compassion. I did so. She talked to me, cussing more and more with every sentence. Frustrated, confused, emotions in an uproar. In total turmoil inside over issues with her boyfriend and jelousy which I knew ran deeper than the 1^st layer of tissue on her tattered and worn little heart. I told her what she needed to hear, she complied. And thought in it for a second or two because it was sinking in, making sense. As she digested these thoughts I told her things she needed but also would want to hear, “You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. A relationship should be comforting not so stressing.” She replied, “But I’d like to marry him, I really like him.” And other little thoughts all emotionally based. I told her she was at war with her logical and emotional self because she had feelings for him but was miserable. This got her sad b/c she “kinda now knew” I think she had a hint that maybe it was from a bit more than just her boyfriend, like the need to feel secure and safety. At this I looked into hear eyes as they ever so slightly began to tear, as I saw this I knew there was the possibility for her to suck it all back up and put back on the hard act/look at this moment I seized the moment and took hold of the heroic nature that is within all of us and embraced a complete stranger as she began to cry, louder and louder, more and more. Not the painful cry but a soothing cry. One that we may not be able to cry out on our own because its something we want a daddy, or a mommy to see so that they can understand the pain we go through and maybe mend the crack in our broken heart. As I held her she held on to me more and more. And we stood there as I was embracing her like the family member that should care for her and hold her any and all day long. And she cried as I wiped away her soft tears soothing her. “Its going to get better I promise. You’re okay I promise. Everything’s going to be alright.” If she could say anything I’m sure it would have been “Just Hold me, please” with a veiled meaning of “I’m scared.” I wiped away her tears and she received hope into her heart once again. We talked some more about our short term dreams and that I could get her a job at Fullerton College so that she could return to school. She began to fill out the online application for enrollment and occasionally asked for my help, smiling at me every time. This girl had been transformed through the release of such deep pain, liberated from her self misery because someone was willing to try to understand the feeling, and she went from a cussing, white trash slutty type girl in my mind, to the sweetest girl (again) in the world that I’m sure she was as a child early on in her years. Who put this willingness in my heart? Jesus,  I could not produce miracle’s myself. But I was blessed to hold her. It transformed me in that moment from tired and lethargic teen to warm and tender hearted hero hiding in a cap..or at that moment I felt like I was wearing a badge. Like my dad’s, because it’s what makes him my hero…I’m glad I could be hers today.

-C.R.A.

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